Stop Hitting Yourself
No is a powerful word. It is one of the first negative words we learn. It’s used as a way to protect us from harm, and a way to discipline us when we are doing something that could affect someone else in a negative way.
As we get older and explore our own individuality, we begin to test our limits and question everything. The answers to our questions get more elaborate, and we find that people’s defenses get stronger. At some point we hit a nerve with someone that isn’t able to maturely defend their feelings, they may get on the offensive and say or do something hurtful in retaliation.
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Bullies in the schoolyard use negative reinforcement, by creating rules for being their friend, calling people names—and sometimes resorting to violence. All of this is just a more elaborate way of saying no, but now it’s to be in control. Some adults will use these techniques on an unruly child. For a child this type of thing can be hard to understand, especially when it is a person of authority.
A person can get stuck with these rules, or names for a long time—fearing to question them. They reinforce them by seeking to find the truth in them, to the point where anything to the contrary seems insincere.
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Some negative people defend their point of view as a good dose of reality. But when your focus is only on the negative it can have serious consequences. Negativity can produce low self-confidence, anxiety, depression, and other more serious mental illness.
It is important to have balance. If you find that you are full of negative thoughts try writing them down. Look for the positives in yourself and your current situation. Look for opportunities to make change. If you are having trouble, ask someone you trust. Keep a list as a reminder.
Trusting yourself is also key. Turn off that inner voice and use your senses. Thoughts are vulnerable to perception and imagination, but the senses can only use the information that is in front of them. And guaranteed, it’s not all bad.
If you are in a relationship with someone who is very negative towards you or in general, you may have to separate yourself from him or her while you make the change for yourself. If this is difficult for you, ask a friend or family member that you trust. There are also services that can help you in these circumstances.